Alone: Solo Sailing and Life Aboard

I see it as a life skill, being alone with yourself. Many people are not very good at it! We are highly social creatures. A lot of life happens in the presence of other people. Depending on our lifestyle, we become accustomed to different levels of social interaction. Coming out of 4 years in college, living with roommates, and working with friends, it’s safe to say I was used to a highly busy social life. Wilmington is the type of town that you can’t go anywhere without seeing someone you know, and I loved that feeling of community. Watching how the web of connections grows and shifts in a place like that is always so interesting to me. I had built up quite an intricate network over those 4 years. When I left the dock back in November to sail down to the Virgin Islands, I was abruptly separated from that web of people, with Bella as my only consistent company. I don’t mean to say that in a negative way, but that is, quite frankly, the truth. Needless to say, Bella and I are very good friends!

Being comfortable with solitude takes both time and practice. Though I pride myself in my independence, I realized that being well and truly alone is a much different thing than being independent in the presence of others. In the weeks on my own in late December, I slipped into various habits that help keep my days structured and happily independent. The chaos of arriving in a new place and getting settled had worn off, and I was left to figure out how to live this very different life on my own. 

I usually get up fairly early, making my way to Bella’s bow first thing in the morning to lie in the soft sunrise light. Some deep breathing and stretches help wake up my body. A couple chapters of a book help wake up my brain. I look at my watch: not even 8 o’clock. The whole day lies ahead…

As anyone who’s lived on a boat before knows all too well, there’s always a project to be done. And such projects often take longer than they should, especially on a Caribbean island. So, this usually helped dictate at least a portion of my day’s activities. A trip to the hardware store, a few hours spent diagnosing, fixing, or simply staring at the problem at hand, hoping an answer will present itself...this predictable yet always unique pattern of boat projects had become a constant in my life. The other tasks on my to-do list usually consisted of emails, marketing, website work, Instagram, and general business-y things. (Getting established as a charter business down here was a big job in itself.) I find this balance between physical work and computer work to be quite nice. If I get tired of one, I just switch to the other! 

Okay, so work is easy enough to structure. But what about my free time? What to do then? How to entertain me, myself, and I? In the hours that I normally would be spending time with friends, I now had a strange feeling of empty space. I realized it’s much more difficult (and somehow feels more time consuming) to keep up with people from far away. Talking on the phone to one person at a time, I often spent over an hour on the phone each day! Though I love hearing stories from my friends and staying in touch, there was a little voice growing in my head, telling me I needed to spend more time with just myself. 

I began this project with something I was already comfortable with - yoga. I signed up for two weeks of classes at Ambient Yoga and Freediving, a small studio in Yacht Haven Grande on St. Thomas. Yoga is something that always helps my inner voice connect with my body. It heightens my senses, yet somehow simultaneously seems to tune out the noise of the surrounding world. Aside from the mental clarity brought about by this practice, going to yoga helped me in two other ways. It reintroduced an important aspect of my life that I’d been lacking on the boat - physical exercise - and it also allowed me to connect with some other like-minded locals. (New friends!)

A woman in yoga the other day made a very good distinction. She corrected my phrasing of “by myself” to “with myself,” and I realized that being alone has a lot to do with perspective. Articulating this simple little word goes a long way. It helps us recognize the inner being that lives within us. We come to think of that being as a friend, someone just as worthy of our time as any other friend. When this mental shift happens, whether it happens slowly over time or it comes to us as a sort of epiphany, being “alone” takes on a whole new light. 

This is not the first time that inner voice has spoken up. I heard it even long before I left Wrightsville Beach. I (or rather the voice) had wanted to challenge myself with being alone for the holidays. Of course, I had felt the responsibility of the boat, not leaving Bella, but I knew that wasn’t the only reason I felt so strongly about staying down here during a traditionally very family-oriented time of year. Whether that decision was selfish or selfless remains unclear to me. Whichever it was, I felt I had some learning to do.

I did my first fully solo sail on the first day I was alone. Though I had sailed Bella many many miles at this point, it was still somewhat exhilarating to be picking up the anchor and sailing away with her all to myself. Confidence in my single-handed sailing was one of the obvious skills I would learn during this time on my own.

The rush of freedom and weight of responsibility left me feeling energized, almost buzzing, the whole way to St. John. As I approached the lush green island, I dropped the sails and smoothly picked up a mooring in Solomon Bay. It was about an hour before sunset. I gave myself a little pat on the back and poured a sparkling water over ice to enjoy a solo happy hour. My single-handed sails that have followed this one have continued to bring me similar rushes of dopamine. I’m not sure if or when that will wear off. 

I likely won’t have another stint of alone-ness quite as long as those two weeks in December, at least not for a while. This is good news, as it means that business is busy! But now that I’ve tasted it, I do crave it. Even just hours alone I find beneficial. Such time helps me reconnect with that inner voice, to check in and see how she’s doing. I still have more to learn, that much is clear. But for now, I take those moments alone with gratitude and mindful attention.